Cyberbullying: It's Not As Simple As Blocking Them

                Over the past couple of years, I’ve written a considerable amount about bullying.  My first book, The Playground, was based on my experiences as a childhood victim and details how it continued to adversely affect my life many years later.  I’ve blogged about bullying, and I’ve written a nonfiction book for parents of children who are being victimized.

                 But my bullying resume was incomplete.  Until now.   I had never experienced cyberbullying.  Sure, I’d traded nasty barbs from time to time with my fellow Facebook users, in the heat of a political discussion, but I would hesitate to classify that as bullying.

                As much as it sucked, I’m profoundly grateful, because now I can speak with authority on the subject.  I know what it looks like and how it feels, so  I can empathize and help people dealing with it.

                Here’s my story: after peacefully coexisting with my fellow users on Goodreads for nearly a year, I experienced my first troll attack.  Goodreads is infamous throughout the internet for this.  It was conceived as a site for authors and readers to connect, but being cyberbullied has become a rite of passage, where Indie authors experience their first taste of fame in the form of an ax wielding Annie Wilkes, a la Stephen King’s Misery.

                I knew eventually I would become a target.  Why?  Because I’ve been bully meat since childhood.  I’ve resigned myself to my fate.  I may hide the scars well, but like a limping antelope, predators spot me immediately.

                Yet, they frequently underestimate me.  This antelope may limp, but it developed the strength to endure attack a long time ago.

                The group of trolls that attacked me (I’m still on the fence as to whether they’re a group or a single deranged individual operating several accounts) thumps the Amazon Terms of Service with the fervor of a religious fanatic waving a Bible.  Much like the fanatic, they don’t appear to have ever read it.  (I have.  Repeatedly) because it doesn’t say what they fervently believe it says.  However, that doesn’t stop them from screeching, “that’s against the Amazon TOS!” like a preacher condemning his flock.

                Things they claim are against the Amazon Terms of Service include:

1.       Asking people to read your book

2.       Asking people to review your book

3.       Telling people you wrote a book

4.       Posting about your book on social media

5.       Driving a fuel-efficient car

6.       Preferring Coke to Pepsi

                Of course, you’ve wondering how this kerfuffle started. I belonged to a Goodreads forum created to assist Indie authors.  Specifically, I was an active participant in a thread on paid promotions, advising newbie authors on which advertising venues work, and which ones take your money and don’t do a damn thing.  Valuable information for someone like me, who didn’t have a clue about marketing when I first started publishing my books.

                It was a wonderful page filled with kind, supportive people.  We cheered each other on, gave each other tips, and celebrated our successes.  I was fortunate to find such a positive environment on Goodreads and felt that perhaps all the things I’d read about it being a hornet’s nest for authors was exaggerated. 

                Ha!

                Some months ago, I noticed something alarming.  Like saying the word, “Beetlejuice,” merely typing the word “review” summoned a creepy profile featuring a spooky looking Stepford like mannequin as their photo.  This individual would immediately start blasting authors left and right, invoking Amazon’s Terms of Service, and claiming we were in violation of it.  Now, I know a troll when I see one, so I privately advised my fellow authors to ignore it, in the hopes it would go hunker beneath another bridge somewhere.  It always skulked off eventually, leaving our lovely little group intact.

                Fast forward months later.  I had been very busy with a new job and decided to pop over to the thread for a quick check-in.  I wanted to share the news of my upcoming book launch, when I’d be giving away my new novel for free for Father’s Day weekend, and see what people thought.  That was my main goal in posting.  At the end of the post, as an afterthought, I mentioned that there was a review missing from one of my books on Amazon.  (They periodically do review purges for a variety of reasons).  I wasn’t sure, but I thought it was one of two reviews I’d received from a review group I belonged to on Goodreads.

                My bad.  Two missteps: I said the word review.  And I said the phrase “review group.” (This was like saying Beetlejuice and Candyman). Review groups are a source of controversy in the Indie world.  I joined this one before I knew they were controversial, or I wouldn’t have done it, but oh well.  People doubt honest reviews come from participating in review groups. 

                This particular review group operates within the Amazon guidelines, and some members have complained they got bad reviews from it, so they’re painfully honest.   I’ve received two reviews total from my participation.  My first review wasn’t exactly glowing.  I was taken aback at some of the criticism the reviewer leveled at me, but once I got over the shock I decided to take his advice, especially since he’d worked in the publishing field for many years.

                So, the assumption that the group was a bunch of authors writing phony five-star reviews for each other was erroneous, but honestly, I could say that until I was blue in the face, I wouldn’t be believed. 

                Within minutes (literally minutes) of me saying the magic words, the creepy troll materialized.  She was soon joined by two other fake profiles, one that was an obvious troll complete with phony handle and a photo of a dog as her picture (like everywhere on social media, the trolls are immediately identifiable by their profile photo), the other claiming to be an author but has no book anywhere that can be found. They started attacking me for belonging to the review group, telling me I was violating Amazon’s TOS and my author account was going to be shut down and informing me I was being reported.

                At first, I tried to have a rational discussion with them and clarify my position.   I assured them the review group was legitimate.   They started accusing me of lying, repeatedly hammering me, directing lengthy rant after rant at me, until I threw up my hands and told them I was no longer interested in discussing it.  I had better things to do on a Saturday afternoon, like go to Walmart with my sister to look at pool pumps.    I blocked them, figuring that would be the end of it.

                It wasn’t.  They immediately started downvoting all my books and writing fake reviews on them.  Ironic, being as though they were accusing me of having phony reviews on my books.  The reviews said I was a no talent and that all my positive reviews (which I got mostly from Goodreads Givaways, btw, totally legit) were fakes from friends and/or I wrote them myself. 

                I retaliated by asking people on social media who read my book to please go on Goodreads (you can log in with Facebook) and rate my book. Again, perfectly legit.  In fact, on Goodreads you can rate a book based on your interest level in reading it…you don’t have to even read it.  I broke no rules.  Not even close.  And yet now I was being accused of creating sock puppet accounts (I didn’t know what a sock puppet was before Goodreads; it’s when a single user makes several accounts and then say, uses them to flood a book with negative ratings/reviews) and once again informed that I had been reported and my account would soon be shut down.

                 I decided not to explain myself.  Clearly, I was going to be slandered and trashed no matter what I said.  Funny, I’d explored this topic at length in both my books on bullying, that victims are driven to try to convince bullies of their worth, when it’s a waste of energy.  For once, I decided to practice what I preach, and walk away.

                Oh, I was still aware of what was being said, because indignant friends offended and insulted on my behalf were cluing me in.  People were literally amazed by the avalanche of hate directed at me.  One would think I was killing kittens.

                Although it took an iron will, I did not respond, not even to defend myself.   I didn’t comment on their fake reviews, although they kept trying to characterize them as “honest reviews.”  (Yeah.  For that to be true, the reviewer would have to have read over a thousand pages in a couple of hours.  And I can download an Excel report of my book activity, which demonstrated that I had no sales, and although people were reading my books, it wasn’t the books they reviewed).   I read one review, left on my most popular book.  It said I was a no talent, that my book was boring, and was hopelessly derivative. (Of what)?  It was clear the person hadn't read the book as they failed to comment on the twist at the end,( among other things, such as the lack of a verified purchase tag, when the book is only available on Amazon) but the thing about troll reviews, it's immensely hard to get Amazon to remove them. (Although they recently did remove one from a book without even being asked). 

                After failing to engage me, they moved onto my fellow authors, first one that tried to defend me, next one that attempted to play peacemaker, and finally, failing to get the attention they so craved, they started bashing EVERYONE that participated on the forum.  Trying to get someone, anyone, to engage.

                The last comment I know about was the best:  The troll that wrote fake reviews on my books justified her vicious behavior by saying it was the equivalent of slut shaming, (Freud would have a field day with that statement) that everyone needs to know that I’m an author that behaves badly.  Even though I did absolutely nothing wrong. 

                Looking at this from an objective standpoint, many of the assertions I’ve made about bullying in the past held true.  I’ve stated repeatedly that ignoring a bully will not stop them, it will only make them try harder.  Check.  I’ve also stated that the only way to stop the bullying is to completely remove yourself from their reach.  Check.  And, I’ve asserted that once the bullies lost a target, they’d quickly choose another.  Check.  And that bullies can smell out victims.  Check, and they even smelled me out online.  Bullies will also choose targets that are vulnerable.  Check…my mother died very suddenly recently…I lost my job unexpectedly…I started a new job…and I found out the guy I’d been seeing for over a year was married the whole time.  I’d had a shit ton poured on me over the last six months.  A bully attack was the last thing I needed, and yet, it happened.  They smelled the stench of vulnerability, how desperate I was for a frigging break, how I felt my writing was all I had. So they attacked.  Just like a bunch of hyenas on an antelope with a bad leg.

                The worst part of all this?  Is how unsurprised I am.  I always knew the Goodreads bullies would find me.  Bullies always do.  I’m used to this shit by now.  It is what it is.  All I can do is relate my experiences and try to help others before they’re indelibly scarred the way I am.

                So, here’s what I learned about cyberbullying:

1.       It’s not as simple as blocking them.  Once they swarm, they’re determined to get at you. 

2.       They derive a sense of satisfaction from their behavior that is almost sexual.  The “slut shaming” comment was psychologically telling.  They  literally get off on it.  That’s why they’re so relentless.

3.       They have an enormous amount of time on their hands.  This was going on while I was sleeping, writing, editing my newest book, out to dinner with friends and family, working, etc.  While I was engaged in all those activities, there were people whose sole activity the whole time was bashing me.

4.       The “people in authority” are unwilling to help.  I complained twice.  I know some of my friends also complained.  No one answered.  No moderator stepped in and told them to knock it off.  And the block feature on Goodreads is a joke. 

5.       They literally hide behind their computer screens.  None of the three involved in the worst of it had real names, real photos, or anything real.  In contrast, I’m me, warts and all, complete with photos and sixty thousand ways to contact me.  They are publicly bashing me, but I can’t strike back at them the same way.   I'm vulnerable in a way they are not, and they take full advantage of that.

                I have new respect and understanding for teens being cyberbullied.  I am very fortunate.  I have a support system and a fan base, people cheering me on and encouraging me and advocating for me.  It was needed, because even as an adult and a semi-public figure, this was tremendously distressing.  I can only imagine how this kind of treatment could drive a teenager to suicide.  They lack the resources and experience an adult has, and that’s scary.  No one should be forced to endure this kind of harassment.  Particularly not a child.  Yet it happens to them most often.

                In the end, I’m going to work harder, to make something good come from this experience.  I have decided to be grateful, because it will assist me in helping others.  At the end of the day, I am not writing for an ego stroke handed to me in the form of a review.  I am writing to entertain people, to help them forget their troubles.  I am writing so that others who have suffered similar hardship will know they’re not alone.  I am writing because I want to touch other people, bring joy into their lives, brighten their day.  They’re not going to stop me.  They’re not going to destroy my dream.

                     

We are given a choice. We can bring light in the world, or we can bring darkness. I choose to bring light.