Seeking To Be Rewarded For Goodness

               

                Today I was kind to someone different.

                For a long time, I’ve preached that we need to be nicer to each other.  In addition, I’ve also advocated for inclusion, and treating every human being with dignity and respect.  So, today I practiced what I preached.  I was nice.  I didn’t giggle or laugh or point.  Give me a pat on the back.

                The funny thing is, after the moment passed, and I was puffed up like a peacock celebrating my own kindness, I realized something strange and kind of screwed up.

                I felt owed.

                A chorus of angels should burst into song, serenading me.  A teacher should materialize and hold me up to the class as an example of a good human being.  Blessings should be rained upon my head.  It was time to buy lottery tickets.  All because I wasn’t a jackass during a ten second encounter.  Go me.

                How as a society did we develop this idea that we should be rewarded for not being an asshole?  Seriously.  Where does this come from?  Not from social media, although I do feel it’s contributed.  We all have friends who cannot give a dollar to a bum on the street without informing the Facebook universe.  And yes, sometimes I’ve probably been that friend.  I am far from perfect.  

                The truth is, we all think we deserve something for going out of our way for someone else, particularly someone less fortunate.  Look at me, giving a dollar to charity.  I deserve a medal, or a monument.  I am owed. Entitled.  Bad things shouldn’t happen to me, because I am a good person.

                And the truth also is, deep down we feel good people do good things without seeking a reward.  That they wouldn’t even think of seeking some sort of payback, even if it’s a pat on the back, because doing something good is ordinary and routine.  They don’t even know the meaning of random act of kindness, because they’re kind all day long, and it’s far from random. 

                Of course, to be honest, I don’t know anyone like that.  In fact, the only real “do gooders” I know are insufferable, entitled, spoiled people who believe everyone owes them for being kind.

                This idea of being rewarded for kindness didn’t just develop over the last ten years or so, although many of us use social media to inform the world just how wonderful we are.  No, it actually comes from the Bible.  We are promised a heavenly award for goodness, and in case you didn’t understand why, that’s because there’s no reward coming for you here on earth. That was the carrot extended to motivate people to be nice to each other.  Hey, you could be like Job sitting on an ash heap scratching your sores (yeah, and just so everyone knows, I’m not far from that.  Since my mother died, my acne or eczema or whatever the hell is afflicting me has been awful, and I don’t have insurance to see a doctor) but you’re still supposed to have faith you’re going to be rewarded for your goodness in the afterlife. 

                Yeah.  Don’t hold your breath.

                Even St. Therese, The Little Flower, my patron saint and whose name I bear, wasn’t perfect.  Whenever she’d be nice to her sisters or her schoolmates or anyone, she’d always think it was another pearl or jewel for her heavenly crown.  She expected to be rewarded for like, letting someone go in front of her in the line at the swings.  And she was later canonized and everything.

                The simple honest truth is you’re not going to be rewarded for treating people decently.  And, because we’re all human, for every random act of kindness you probably balance it out with an act of evil.  (I kind of got road ragey with some bitch on the way home, but in my defense, she went around me because she didn’t feel like yielding to traffic despite the YIELD sign.  And this morning I gave someone the finger for cutting me off.  No jewels on my crown).

                And forget about karma.  Most of the time it doesn’t seem to work out the way it should.  We all know wonderful people who have been plagued with misfortune and horrible people that live terrific lives.  We are truly living in a world without justice.

                The only reward for doing something good  is it makes life easier for someone else.  Sure, maybe holding the door open and letting them go in front of you at The Bagel Shop is a little thing, but sometimes when you’ve had an awful start to the morning, something small like that can turn it all around.  We need to practice being kind to each other because this is all we have.  This world, and the people around us.  We would all like to believe that there is a God, and a heaven, and we’ll all see our lost loved ones someday, but the truth is we don’t know.  This may be the only life we are given to live.  If that’s the case, every interaction with another person matters, because that is your personal mark on the universe.  Whether you want to make your mark being kind to people or flipping them off and tailgating them (I didn’t do that, I swear!  But only because my car is fairly new) is ultimately your choice.

                None of us are perfect, and we never will be.  For every step we take forward, we very well may take two steps back.  But we need to try.  We need to try make this world a better place, and stop thinking it’ll be sorted out in the afterlife.