I've said the thing I most wanted in the entire world was to be a writer, and that's not a lie. But today I realized there was something I wanted even more. I always wanted to be thin. And that dream has proven more elusive than achieving the goal of becoming a writer.
Of all the wars fought in my life, the biggest one, one that I will ultimately lose no matter how hard and long the battle, is the one with my weight. Unfortunately my body fights this war on many fronts. There is the emotional eating front, the likes-fattening-food front, the no time to make decent meals front, things ostensibly within my control, and there are things that are out of my control, like my genes. Combined, it means that ultimately the war with my weight will be lost. If not fat today, I will be fat tomorrow.
I've come to realize something over the past few days, as I've watched several Facebook friends struggle with dire medical diagnoses. Battling my own body over something so trivial is fucking ridiculous.
So, I'll never be truly thin. So what. I'm healthy. And I know that, barring being hit by a bus, I'm going to be alive in the future.
I think it's tremendously sad that many of us spend so much time and effort battling their weight when we should be enjoying life and rejoicing in our health. In the end, that's the important thing. If you're facing down the barrel of what may be a death sentence, the stupidity of spending hours agonizing because your butt is big or you can't fit into those jeans become disgustingly trivial.
We need to stop hating our bodies, because that is wasted energy. Our bodies do not define us. You are who you are, whether fat or thin, and you are beautiful. Life is too short. No matter how it ends, in the final moments we'll always feel we didn't have enough time. Let's not waste it hating the only body we were given.
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