Ramblings of a Middle Aged Lunatic

It was a moment I’ll never forget.                 It was a Friday or Saturday night, and my then boyfriend and I were at his cousin’s house just outside Albany.   My routine was to drive two hours nearly every Friday after work and spend the weekend with him.   He had his kids on Saturday, so it was easier for me to come to him, a gesture he never appreciated in the time we were together.   On the contrary, he acted like he was doing me a favor by allowing me to visit.                 Sitting by the fire at his cousin’s house drinking beers and bullshitting was our weekend ritual.                 The topic unexpectedly turned to my writing.   The previous week, I’d emailed my boyfriend a copy of my novel, a dark piece tentatively title...

                Give me a break.                 I struggled to stay positive and upbeat during the holidays, despite the fact that 2018 was a spectacularly bad year for me and I just wanted to hide under the covers until it was over.   I did my Christmas shopping, made the obligated family rounds, and emotionally ate chocolate the entire time.   I watched most of my old Christmas favorites, A Christmas Carol , National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation , and It’s A Wonderful Life.   Now Christmas is over, New Year’s is upon us, and I’m celebrating my version of Festivus, my style.                 Now without further ado, here is my list of the people I’d like to do without next Christmas: 1.        The Person Who Ge...

If my life was a play, it would be a Greek tragedy.                              I haven’t led the happiest of lives.   Since childhood, I’ve struggled in pretty much every way possible.   With my weight, with making friends and getting along with others, with my self image, with securing an education, getting a decent job, earning what I was worth, just to name a few.   I lost my father to cancer at the age of thirty.   His illness eclipsed and overshadowed the years I was supposed to be having fun, my twenties.   Instead, I was focused on his sickness.                   Then, over the last year, as I’d finally been making some promising headway at achieving some of my dreams, my mother died suddenly, leaving a house with a hefty mortgage t...

                Somewhere an insane asylum is missing a lunatic, and his name is "Roger". (Names have been changed to protect the truly douchey).                 I first encountered "Roger" a couple of days ago on the site of my local paper, of all places.   My friends always said I’d end up getting into an argument with the wrong person, because there are a lot of crazies out there.   It finally happened.   Within thirty-six hours of encountering "Roger" for the first time, he crossed the line into harassment.   I’m not at the point where it’s time to bring the police in, not yet, although I am at the point where I’m like, “Oh my God, dude, stop!”                 The topic was the removal of a plaque commemorating Robert. E. Lee in Lasdon ...

Jealousy.                 If you’re anything like, say, anyone (or me) you’d rather sit and discuss others being jealous of you, than own up to your own struggle with the green- eyed monster.   After all, jealousy is mean and petty, and nice people never feel such things.                      Regardless, jealousy is a human emotion, and although envy is one of the seven deadly sins, we all feel its pangs from time to time.   We may deny it, we may try to reason our minds out of it, but we cannot deny it exists.                 Things that make me jealous: 1.        Thin women.   I can sort of stand women who maintain their figures through a disciplined, decidedly unfun regime of strict clean eatin...